Engagement

As I sit here writing this first blog entry, I see the faint glittering of a diamond on my left hand. I became engaged last night. Just as the fireworks approached their final climatic moment, I saw Logan's hand reach down and place a jewelry box my chest. And in that instant, everything stopped. It is so very rare in life that you can actually capture the exact moment when everything changed, and yet, was exactly the same. The feeling is at once magnificent and yet absolutely terrifying.

"I have something for you. Will you marry me?"

I had no idea what to do in that moment, other than laugh. Laughter is a response that can carry you through anything. So I laughed, and then hid under the blanket that had been keeping me warm as I laid beneath the giant sky filled with smoke and color. There was even a full moon that I earlier had the honor of watching slowly rise above the eastern hills. Giant and yellow, it made its way across the sky as it has always done and will always do for my lifetime.

There I sat, hidden under my blanket for the briefest of moments while the voice inside my head shrieked "You need to say YES!"

"Yes! Oh my god, Yes!"

I said yes and forever altered the next course of my life.  "Oh my god. Oh MY GOD. Do my parents know?? Does everyone know!?"

I looked at my parents to see that they were still watching the fireworks, oblivious to the monumental moment that was occurring just five feet away. So I jumped to my knees and began yelling "I'm Engaged!!" The first person to take it in was Lynn, sitting on the lawn chair in behind me. She practically fell on top of me as she gave me the happiest of hugs. I hugged my parents, Logan's mom. I teared up as she welcomed me into her family saying "I am so lucky to have you." I felt equally lucky to have her in my life.

Confusion and fear set in as I realized my life has made a shift. It was suddenly different and yet I wanted it to be exactly the same as it was before. I don't know what to say to my friends and family when they congratulate me because my feelings are so raw right now. The engagement was an incredible, beautiful, unimaginably scary moment. 

I am so disappointed in my choice of engagement attire: $10 grey/black skinny jeans and a Harley Davidson sweatshirt i bought when I was a sophomore in high school. My makeup was a day old and smeared. But you know what, That's me. I'm still here, changing, but still here.